Chapter 12 The Big Bad Love Machine

74.

Victoria was at work and Charlie had spent the first four hours of the day, working on job applications.

He had two decades of work experience, a masters in English literature, and all the other impressive highlights of his career that had dazzled the school he’d worked at.

He fired it off and three seconds later got a rejection letter.

He exhaled through his nostrils and fished a cigarette out the carton.

They had AndyGPT reading the job applications, and determining who’s allowed a job and who isn’t, so of course he was rejected.

He popped the cigarette in his lips, then click-click-clicked his lighter, to no avail. He checked the cannister at the bottom. No lighter fluid. He put the ciggy back in the box.

Then an idea struck him.

Just lie on your resume!

He wasn’t Charlie Brittleson ex-high-school-teacher, he realized as he began to rattle out sentences with the keyboard, a big fat grin on his face. He was Charlie Brittleson professor of English literature at Cambridge, not only that, but he singlehandedly wrote the textbook that is now the international standard for teaching college students, he had fifty years of work experience (longer than he’d been alive).

He chuckled, then sent it off.

Three seconds later he received a warning from the website, forbidding him from lying on the resume or else he’d be banned from the website.

He stared at it.

‘Fine, fine.’ He said. According to his self-imposed schedule he wasn’t allowed to take a break from job applications, for another half hour.

He was guilty of staring at the alarm clock and trying to make it go faster by stabbing a finger at it, and saying ‘Abracadabra.’

It refused.

He just started another job application, and was about to doze off.

It was like he’s smoked a thousand cigarettes.

It was the break, he entered the hall, jumped and clicked his heels together, before yanking a journal off the shelf, falling onto the sofa, and writing his heart out.

He even came up with this zinger.

Set up: Why are calenders so hard to find?

Punchline: because their days are numbered.

Ba dum tch.

He chuckled. ‘I’m a fucking genius.’

X.

Day 1 of taking anti-depressants.

Victoria woke up. Her hand flapped around the bedside table, found a phone and checked the time.

7 A.M.

She fell back down. Let the weight of tiredness throw her into the trash compactor. She blinked and it was 7:30.

She got up, changed rooms, put in a tampon. She rinsed her hands with soap. Opened the medicine cabinet, took out her box of Axetaline, fished out the tray, punched the pill out the packet, swallowed the pill.

9:30 am

Jeremy had found a sexy nurse outfit in a trash bag and was holding it to his body.

‘I’m a pretty girl.’ he said. ‘I like make up, and getting paid less than men, and being in the kitchen.’

Victoria was currently slouched over one of the tables with a pen. She was using it to repeatedly tattoo the post-stamp sized stickers (with today’s date, the products code and the product price), before she peeled them off the ribbon and stuck them to the books spine.  

‘Uh huh.’ She said, not particularly caring.

‘Why aren’t you laughing?’

‘Did you say something funny?’

‘Yes.’

She smirked. She stacked the books into a big blue box and carried them into the front of the store.

‘I’ll laugh when I get back.’

Day 2 taking anti-depressants.

10:50 AM.

‘We’re living in a simulation.’ Said Jeremy.

‘Uh huh.’ Said Victoria.

They were both on their lunch break eating sandwiches.

‘Firstly assume that creating a simulated reality is possible.’

‘That’s a pretty major ask to be honest.’

‘Just do it.’

Victoria sighed.

‘Okay, I’m assuming that simulating the entire universe atom for atom is possible.’

‘You don’t need to do it atom for atom.’

‘What why?’

‘Because like a hundred percent of the universe isn’t being observed, at any one time. Like… the only things that need to be simulated are the five senses so anything you can’t see, hear, taste, smell, or feel, doesn’t have to be simulated. For all you know, I might just be hollowed out human skin, until you give me an x ray, then suddenly my skeleton is simulated into reality.’

The argument had something to do with the number of simulated realities, outnumbering the number of real realities, ergo we are mathematically much more likely to be existing in a simulation.

The next day, Victoria gave him a tin foil hat as a present.

Day 4 of taking Axetaline.

Dad didn’t eat breakfast, he just guzzled coffee and went up to his room. Victoria was currently spreading mango chutney on her slice of brown toast, when she felt him kiss her cheek, before teleporting out the room.

She put a hand to her cheek, the fingers became wet with coffee.

Gross, but sweet. She thought.

9:30

He was actually wearing the hat.

‘You know I meant that as an insult, right.’ Said Victoria.

‘Yeah, but I think it’s quirky, so...’ he stapled a tag to the jacket. ‘Anyway, there’s this conspiracy…’

17:00

‘Hey Vickie.’ Said Jeremy.

‘Yup.’ She was currently sliding her arms into the sleeve of her coat. ‘I was wondering, do you… want to go for a picnic sometime?’

That made her slow down. People… like me? She thought, picking her ruck sack off the hook. She wasn’t used to such used to such feelings. So… are we friends?

‘Sure.’ She said. ‘Sounds cool.’

‘Like a date?’

Oh. It’s like that. She looked at him, still wearing the tinfoil hat. I could do worse.

‘Um… yeah.’ She said. ‘A date at the park?’

He grinned. ‘Awesome. Friday?’

She nodded. ‘Sure.’

18:00

‘How was work?’ Her dad asked. As he tucked into his plate of beans on toast.

‘Jeremy asked me out.’

‘Is he cool?’

‘He’s nice.’

‘That’s cool.’ He said. ‘Have you done a background check?’

‘Has he been to prison you mean?’

‘Sort of.’

‘Uh… I don’t think he’s old enough?’

‘Fair enough.’ He scooped a forkful of beans into his mouth. ‘How’s the medicine going?’

‘Pretty good actually.’ As she bit into her toast, jaw moving up and down. She covered her mouth with one hand so she could talk with her mouth full. ‘I think…’ she swallowed, lowered her hand.  ‘I feel like I’m getting better.’

‘That’s great.’ Said Charlie smiling. ‘I’m so glad to hear it.’  

Day 6:

She was looking forward to today. She liked her job, because Jeremy was there. He was cool, not a rapist, prince charming.

Just a couple hours work, then they were both free to get yum yums at greggs.

Victoria swallowed the pill.

13:00

Victoria was currently swaddled in a duvet beneath her bed in the dark, her retinas glistening in her grim-grey face.

Nothing is real, She thought.

***

Chapter 13